Ginger Won't Snap

How do you deal with jealousy?

Dear Interwebs,

What do you do if you are jealous of your best friend?

More and more I am experiencing this feeling, and I’m afraid it’s going to get out of control. Can you help please?

Ginger

6 responses to “How do you deal with jealousy?”

  1. I don't know if this is actually helpful, but I've been in your shoes, so I'll share my experience.

    I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but for me, that was an unrealistic goal. I think I've improved in that area by consciously practicing gratitude and counting my blessings, and I encourage you to do that, but comparing myself to others will never completely go away. Having said that though, I realized after awhile that I was jealous of things with my former best friend that I wasn't jealous of when other friends had the same good things happen to them. That was a lightbulb moment for me, because why was that? So ask yourself that too. Why are you jealous? Are you always jealous when anyone gets these same things?

    For me, I finally realized that it was because everything always came easy to this one particular girl, and she expected everything to continue to be handed to her on a silver platter. She would essentially throw a temper tantrum if things ever didn't work out, and then go and demand that her daddy give it to her (she's 31 and married.) And I just wanted her to struggle for something FOR ONCE, and appreciate how good she really has it. But she never does. So it boiled down to the fact that I'd lost respect for her, and therefore begrudged her always getting her way.

    This allowed me to realize our friendship wasn't a true friendship, and it has changed since. I still hang out with her, but mostly just at parties or group activities. I don't make an effort to catch up one on one anymore, and I'm much happier as a result.

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  2. I am jealous of my best friend at times… fantastic job, umbelievable pay, great promotions, beautiful home… but then I got over it. I am actually really proud to be her friend. If you surround yourself with people who are always moving forward you will as well. If my best friend was lazy and demotivating it would have a negative effect on me.

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  3. I fell into that, and my friends fall into that with me. I just got a beautiful new large one bedroom, and rather than being happy for me, my friend just said, "Well, it's good enough I guess." I fall into that more with some friends than others, typically because we're closer in terms of career and age, so I find myself comparing myself to them.

    I wouldn't recommend my method of "dealing," because right now it's entailing moving to a different community and living near loving, supportive, non-jealous people, and limiting my exposure to said jealousy circle friends. But I think taking some time away from them is going to be so healthy.

    Dunno your situation, but the friendships in which I always got excessively jealous and was envied in return always turned toxic or naturally ended.
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  4. I'm definitely jealous of one of my friends. But I love her to death and won't let that get in the middle of our relationship. Her career just fell in her lap after college and I have been searching for months for a permanent job and haven't gotten anywhere. I just try to remind myself that I'll get there too one day. This is going to sound kind of mean but when I get too jealous, I try to think of a couple of ways my life is better than hers, and it usually makes me feel better.

    My best friend is aggravatingly jealous of me. She is always trying to cut me down because she doesn't have what I have – but she could.It has ruined our relationship. I was given a (mediocre, older) car by my dad, which runs great and it's a Mercedes. She doesn't have her licence and doesn't know how to drive. I try not to talk about it with her, but a car just like mine drove by one time and shes like "Oh my god. I'd rather not drive then drive one of those. How embarrassing".

    She says things like that all the time.. little catty things that just bother me. I know it's because she is jealous.. but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. We were once great friends but her jealousy ruined it. So it's definitely important to maintain and try to do something about jealousy before it gets out of hand.

    It's frustrating. On both sides.
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