What does it mean when you can’t get the thought of someone out of your head? Does it mean something is wrong with you? Or right with you?
Does it signify an unhealthy obsession, or something deeper?
As much as I have tried to steel myself against it, Mr. Darcy keeps popping into my head and it’s driving me mad. Out of all the things I am dealing with right now, why does this have to pop up?
Nothing is going to happen there. So why do I keep yearning for him? Why can’t I get over this?
…and more importantly, why can’t I ever get the guy?
5 responses to “It won’t leave me alone”
Alas, it can mean a lot of things.
The easiest way to figure out if it's good or bad, in my experience, is to try and look at the situation/person and figure out what situations in your past resemble it.
Maybe that sounds stupid but… I had a long history of throwing myself intensely into some relationships or crushes or whatever. And my therapist at the time helped me to see that when I got that intense, it was almost always an unhealthy sign. The men I got so intense about tended to be bad for me. Once I could see a pattern, I learned to treat it as a large, blinking red light. It was hard, but it helped me steer clear of some unsavory sorts by and large.
I guess that all sounds like I'm voting for unhealthy. I have to say, it's rare that obsessive thought is healthy. But not always. My now-husband and I got really intense really quickly but it's lasted.
So, cheesy as it sounds, I'd make a list of how you feel when you think about him. And also maybe what about him makes you feel that way. Good or bad. And then see if that describes other guys from your past. Chances are, that will be a good indicator of whether you need to get him out of your head or not.
I think it's great and healthy to have crushes, but you have to recognize if it's just a crush or not. How I manage to get over crushes is generally pretty standard I think…
I…. A. Find a new hobby to spend my time on B. Find a new person to crush on or C. Aversion therapy…the minute I started to think about him, I did something that would change my thought pattern. Snapping myself with a rubber band, twenty pushups, etc.
B. is definitely the way to go and with the weather getting better, there are sooo many cute men in the city!
It means you really really like(d) him.
It's probably more of an unresolved thing for you. You're wondering "what if" scenarios and "why did he…" scenes in your head, but you don't have any answers because he has a GF and he acted like he didn't.
Oh, I have been there before. And it sucked. Wanting to be with somebody so badly, but they were unattainable (the guy I wanted to be with had a GF too – and now he is married). Sometimes it takes a while to get over them, but eventually you do.
I can't say that I did anything in particular to make myself try to forget about him, and I'm not going to say that it was easy (because it totally wasn't, and it sucked something fierce). But I went about and tried to make myself feel as fabulous as possible. Not for him, but for me. I went out and did fabulous things with fabulous people, went to the gym, ate good healthy food. My confidence level started to soar, and I didn't find myself thinking about that guy as much anymore. I felt great! And that's when I met BF.
And now that I've removed myself from that situation, I can look back and now I know that I was putting this guy up on a pedestal. He was my "dream guy" whom nobody else had compared with. I had forgotten all of his flaws, and he became The Perfect Guy in my eyes because I was so into him. Infatuated. Maybe not the case in your situation, but I think that whenever someone has a crush on somebody else, they tend to not see the flaws, or maybe they just haven't figured out what the flaws are yet.
It's hard to get over crushes that are really meaningful to you (especially when they deal with someone you see a lot). Don't beat yourself up because you're not over it yet, but do try to be more active in your healing. I know you've got tons to do and it should help you take your mind off things, but you don't seem to have a lot of time for just Ginger. Try to set aside some time in your week for personal time. Do something you love by yourself or have a long bath. Sacred pampering, I believe it's called. Get back to yourself and centered. Move your love and focus inward and the crush will fade out.
As for why you can "never get the guy", I wish I had better insight on that. My brother has the same problem where he's always the best friend or party buddy, but never the boyfriend. And in both of your cases, it blows my mind. You're such a wonderful person! For what it's worth, I heart you lots. <3