I appreciate all the incredible qualities and skills I have been blessed with, but I still feel like I’m not going anywhere big with my life.
I know that I can always DO much better, but lately I feel like I’ve been sitting like a stick in the mud with nothing to show for it at 24.
Some of my nicer friends will argue in my defense but I still feel like I’m way behind in my life schedule.
I could have been so much more by this age. I’m disappointed.
What secret will you share with me today?
Anonymous comments welcomed. Email me your secret and I will post in anonymously in Tuesday Secrets in the coming weeks.
EDIT: Oops! Looks like my scheduled post went up on the wrong day! D’oh!
10 responses to “Tuesday Secrets”
I feel like I wasted 6 years of my life not managing my money properly, and I keep going back to the idea that I could be SO MUCH further ahead if I had not made such bad life and financial choices.
🙁
Won’t go into details.. yet.. still painful LOL…
Um, my secret is that its Monday. Isn’t it Monday??? OH NO I’M SO CONFUSED!!!!! 😉
I hear ya.
If only I could go back in time and swat myself upside the head!!!!!!
I go back and forth between feeling just like you AND thinking my priorities are all skewed and that I should have a much more laid back and less time consuming job that requires wayyy less energy and effort and allows me to spend more time on my hobbies, family, friends, relationships, etc (even if that means a pay cut). But yeah, the rest of the time I feel totally underqualified and unsuccessful and wish I made more money and a more prestigious, accomplished job. The grass is always greener, I guess!
I think you should have your friends list your accomplishments – it will help put things in perspective. When I started dating my boyfriend, I mentioned that I didn’t feel like I’d done much for a 22 year old (now I’m 24), but after dating for a few months and divulging some of my exploits, he casually mentioned that he thinks I’ve done an awful lot. It helped me view my life through a more objective lens. It’s usually refreshing to get a second opinion, especially if you have a personality that tends to be hard on oneself.
I go back and forth from feeling like you (Ginger) and like Amy (commenter above). It also depends on who I compare myself to….sometimes I feel way ahead with a career and my money management when I compare myself to my “peers” in this city, and yet I look at what my friends from college are doing (or appear to be doing on facebook) and I feel like I’m stuck in one place while they all travel and look like they’re having the time of their lives. I wonder what it is I’m fretting about.
Either way, over the past year I’ve gotten better at ignoring what everyone else is doing, where everyone else is and trying to figure out what I want to do. Its a constant struggle, and I’m not quite there yet, but I hope to get to that point eventually.
I didn’t read it before, but I really like TeacHer’s comment….because its true! Its just funny that while you’re fixating on all that someone else has done, they’re probably focusing on all the things you’ve accomplished that they haven’t been able to.
Look at it on the bright side, if you thought you’d “accomplished it all”, would you really have any drive to push yourself further?
I feel the same way Ginger. I keep thinking I could have BEEN more, could have DONE more and now since I recently lost my mother I feel even more frustrated that she did not get to see me DO more.
Oh Ginger…
I am 30 years old. In August it will be 31. When I was in jr high and high school, everyone thought I’d be a journalist, like my parents. I was a columnist for the local paper, which was no mean feat, by age 15.
But I was fascinated by languages and wanted to learn a ton of them. I figured I’d do something in the diplomacy field. At worst, translator.
Then at 19, I came down with a rare little neurological illness called Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Paralyzed me and put me on life support for three months. Had to learn to walk again, etc.
But still I thought I’d get my life back on track.
I finished college and spent the next few years fighting to find a job I could do. Ever since I was sick, I get fatigued so easily that even part-time work is difficult.
At age 25, I finally applied for disability. And sunk into a deep, deep depression. I felt worthless — if I couldn’t work, who would love me? (Yeah, that’s just the ludicrous kind of thinking that runs in my family, I guess.)
When it got so bad that I wanted to die, I finally did something and started seeing a therapist again.
In the last four years, I’ve come a long way. Physically, I’m not much better. But mentally, I’ve made peace with the fact that I will probably never be able to work full-time. I’ve learned to stop calling myself “lazy” when I’m too tired to leave the house. I’ve learned to stop being angry (well… mostly) that I’ll never have some amazing, international career.
I still have bad days. Where I cry, or feel bad for myself, or simply pout. This is not where I thought I’d be at age 30. Today, I did two hours of contract work and took a 20 minute walk (more of a lazy stroll). Then I had to come back in because the fatigue was setting in. That’s how much I can do. And I’m learning to be proud that I can do this much.
This wasn’t my plan. Certainly wasn’t my parents’ plan. But then again, I have an amazing, supportive husband (not found til age 27) who loves me for exactly who I am. Which, because of fatigue, is incredibly grumpy a lot. And because of depression can be kind of short-tempered. (I’m working on both of those.)
And, yeah, there’s still part of me that wishes I could make a big splash in the world. But most of me just wants to be able to get out of debt and get both my husband and myself to a point where we can have some earning power. And then, if we’re lucky, we’ll be able to afford to have a child together.
Frankly, that beats being well-known or really accomplished any day in my book. But, then, so would being able to run five errands in a single day.
Really, what would you have wanted to accomplish by 24?! At pretty much every stage of life we feel shocked at how time passes, shocked at how little we knew a couple of years before (when we thought we were finally getting some of this stuff — and ourselves — down) and wondering how we haven’t done more in life.
But I’m beginning to believe that maybe life is more about what you do in the day-to-day than how old you are when you achieve milestones or break records or whatever it is you expected of yourself by now.
I’m rambling but… I guess it’s just that I know in 3 years you’re going to wonder what your hurry was. 24 is damn young. Stop expecting so much out of yourself and go actually live life. You can measure by a yardstick of accomplishments, or you can lead a good, happy, well-balanced life. I find few people who can do both.
Sorry if this post comes off as condescending. It truly isn’t my intention. More just rambling musings of a 30 year old who may actually know less now than she did at 24. And is glad of it.
I’ve gotten by on my brain and charm for my entire life, and rarely do I actually put forth any real effort into anything I do. When I have tried I’ve succeeded, but it just leads to more expectations and more pressure….why bother? Sometimes at night I ask what I could be if I was as determined and committed as the people out there who have to give their all to stay afloat.