Hey readers,
I think I need some advice from you guys. I don’t really have anyone in real life that I feel comfortable talking about this stuff with, so onto the blog it goes.
Remember how I mentioned that I was talking to a guy online, and that we wanted to meet? And the drama that ensued?
Well here’s a follow up for you.
After the weekend that he cancelled, I pretty much didn’t hear from him at all. No MSN, and no phone call even though he had my number. I was feeling a little dejected and figured that if he wanted to meet with me (since he initiated contact!) that he would call or email me. This didn’t happen.
Finally the other night I pretty much had it. I wanted to know what the hell was going on. I’m pretty fed up and didn’t feel like “fading away” as it so often happens. I wanted answers, dammit. I didn’t care if we actually met or anything, I just wanted to know why I was getting what felt like the cold shoulder especially since he was so into chatting with me and meeting me before. Yes, he could have just been busy, but that never stopped him from chatting with me before.
Anyway, I just opened up my MSN window and after some pleasantries I asked him if he was still interested in meeting me, and that I wondered why he hadn’t been talking with me as much lately.
Apparently he was indeed very busy, but was also thinking of getting back together with his ex.
Yeah, you heard me.
Clearly this bothers me. A lot. While I realize that lots of people keep their options open and may do the online dating thing with several people at once, I do NOT like knowing I’m his second choice. And I told him this. He replied that he was keeping his options open and that he hadn’t decided. I’m just sitting there thinking that he’s an idiot and has been stringing me along for a while. I mean, how is some chick you found on your MSN (never met in person nor spoken on the phone with) going to stack up against your EX? I’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell!
At the same time I’m somewhat quieted by the fact that he’s really upfront an honest about this. I would be doing the same thing, and I’m sure I will in the future, but do you really tell all your dates that they’re in competition with your ex and who knows how many other people? It’s an implicit agreement between people, you don’t frigging bring it up!
Ugh, now I’m upset thinking about this. I told him straight up how I felt about this and how ridiculous it was that he has had my number for weeks and never called, and cancelled our meeting before. So he offered to call me on Thursday night after work. Which will be tonight as I write this.
The thing is, I don’t know whether it’s worth even talking to this guy? I mean, in the beginning I didn’t know who he was or even felt compelled to talk to him much. I just did it because I was bored. But then he seemed interested in me and they were nice chats, so I became open to the idea of meeting in person. Now I’m somewhat invested in this situation and he’s backing off and telling me (still some random stranger) that he’s interested in me but also interested in hooking up with his ex?!
I really don’t know what to do. I will admit that I am kind of desperate for some practice dates since I’m a loser in that area; but I also wonder if I’ll be able to keep my temper with this dude. I mean, there’s a chance that we hit it off wonderfully, right? And it’s not like I have anyone else that’s interested in me. I feel like I need to make a solid decision about this—do I?
Should I talk to him on the phone and pretend that I’m ok with being compared to his ex? Should I tell him that this is stupid and that I don’t want to be in any competition for the affections of some guy I don’t even know yet? Should I just blow him off altogether? Am I being too hasty and judgemental?
I can’t possibly capture the entire story with all details and emotions here, but if you were in my position, how would you handle this?
10 responses to “Need some dating advice”
Abort mission.
Guy’s a loser, and he’s not even a decent practice date.
Besides, practice dates are good only if you really think you have a shot at the guy or at possibly finding love.
If not, you aren’t really practicing and it’s just getting together with some idiot for a slow coffee torture.
Why put yourself through that pain if you don’t have to? 🙂
Find another guy. PoF doesn’t seem so fab however.. I heard another site was better. eHarmony or Lavalife? I can’t recall if it’s free for chicks.
Thanks for the reality check, FB. I think I’m just going to blow him off. I never get to be a jerk to people, so I guess tonight I’ll try something new!
I agree w/ FB. This guy has ‘red alert’ written all over it. Kudos to him for being honest but that doesn’t mean what he’s doing is ok.
I agree too. While it is nice that he told you “the truth” he’s a messed up dude. It has nothing to do with you. What I think you need to remember (or what I would do if I was in your situation) is to think of your bottom line… what are you willing to stand for, and how do you want to be treated. I wouldn’t stand for someone using me as an option when an ex is involved. Ex’s involved means its ugly and clearly he’s not over her. Its not going to work, you need to find someone that is open and honest and ready to BE in a relationship with YOU, not shopping around for someone to fill the time and maybe make him miss her less. I’d say remember what you stand for, and what you want. I’d politely say thanks, you are really nice and if you ever get over her, call me and we’ll go for coffee…but as long as she’s in the picture, I’m not interested.
I think you don’t have to be mean, just do whats best for you, not him.
ps now go track down that hot danish guy!
Ginger, you are a fabulous chick! Don’t waste your time with this goofball. Now, what you need to do is plan a night out with a girlfriend. Go see “He’s just not that into you” at the theater. IT IS SO GOOD. You will laugh at all your previous dating situations and be smarter going forward. I even bought the book after seeing the movie!! It’s obviously fiction but there’s a lot of fact. Oh and don’t forget to have a glass of wine and some chocolate too. Good luck!
Agree with the above 100%. The only thing he has going for him is honesty. He’s still carrying a torch for his ex and no matter what he needs to get her out of his system before he is ready to move on…and in the meantime you don’t need to waste time playing second fiddle to somebody. I was on PoF a couple of years ago and for every 5 weirdos there was generally a nice, normal, decent guy. You’ll find someone better soon 🙂
I agree with everyone else’s comments!! 🙂
And am ordering you to find previously mentioned hot Danish guy. Now. Go.
Hello Ginger,
I love girls on the rebound. The man was attempting to atart a stable[ in his mind] similar to the pet rock, all the attention and no work or expense required, just a little fertilizer and a spreader.
He fessed up only after our AlphaGirl ripped open his head and he melted like e grilled cheese sandwich. The poor boy bitch-slapped himself.
Mister E
LOL, I’m not sure if I fully understand the last comment, but thanks to everyone for your support and advice, I really appreciate it.
I took your advice and got rid of this one. I might have been a little bit mean but I just turned my phone off when he was supposed to call–I didn’t even want to talk with him. I’m a little sad that I lost a shot at a date, but overall I feel better.
@Pushing30: The movie was so cute! I went out with a bunch of girlfriends to see it when it came out. I’ve been a longtime fan of the book, too 😉
As for the Danish boy… I’m considering asking our receptionist about him… she’s a huge gossip so I’m hoping she’ll mention that I’m interested to him? Whaddaya think?